Whitnerisms

I will continue to add to this as I can. It's hard to keep working on it now.

Please comment on this to add other Whitnerisms that you remember and share with those who knew him. Some may be popular in a wider circle, some unique to George Whitner (Papa), but they are well known and loved by those who knew and loved him.

"Beautiful, simply beautiful"

"People do what you inspect, not what you expect."

"Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining."

"Va va va voom"

"Don't eat the daisies"

"Easy as teaching children to play"

"Custer had the Indians"

"Don't let the camel get its nose under the tent"

"God's little scheme of things"

"Unshirted hell"

"Oh my dear, all through here"

"Riding around on this damn ship"

"Duck on a june bug"

"Happy as a puppy with 2 P's"

"Dog on a point"

"Face up on the beach"

"Don't throw the baby out with the bath water"

"Get out from behind the potted palm"

"Dog to a bone"

"Shovel sand in your mess kit"

"Skate around the lobby"

"Cavalier about it"

"Bull dog on tramps pants"

"Deck chair off a steamer"

"Leave a hole to jump thru"

"The opera isn't over till the fat lady sings"

"Running for the city limits"

"Golden words"

"Sitting in a tub of butter"

"If it's not broke, don't fix it"

"Stick his candy in the sand"

"Now you come on down or along"

"Fish or cut bait"

"Fat, dumb and happy"

"Plant the flag"

"One arm paper hanger with crabs"

"The ship hit the sand"

"What the little boy shot at"

"Pick up the marbles and run"

"White on rice"

"Pitching or catching"

Current travel time: 22 hours

Well, I made it to NYC and am sitting in the Newark airport TOTALLY zonked. I started traveling at 4:30am Israeli time, which translates to 9:30 EST. It's now 2am (or 7pm, depending on your perspective) and I still have another hour and a half before my flight to FL takes off. I'm actually so tired that I HURT. I can't wait to see Jordan and Ellie at the airport and then mom (and EC?) when I get to 3767. And then I get to see Dad and Gigi tomorrow (ironically, they are actually about 10 minutes away from me right now ... but seeing them and CH and Larry would require leaving the airport and I can NOT survive airport security again. Too many checkpoints. Cannot handle anymore.

I literally feel like someone took a giant spatula to my brain and squished it all about. Ugh. Must ... have ... bed ... and sleep ... and lotion. Yes, lotion.

Ok, I'm actually going crazy here so I think it's time to stop blogging

Peace and Strength

Written: 4974 mi from NYC. 2pm ISRAELI TIME 34005 ft above eastern europe

When I said that I went to the Western Wall and prayed for what was foremost in my mind I meant it. I prayed for peace for my grandfather and strength for my grandmother the rest of the family to deal with what lay ahead. The moment of peace came yesterday at 2:30am EST and now comes the search for strength. It was not a surprise, but that doesn't make it less difficult to deal with. I am currently on a Boeing 777 flying from Israel to Jacksonville to attend my grandfather's funeral. The entire situation brings up many different emotions ... I am glad that he is no longer suffering and is at peace ... but I am deeply affected by the profound sense of loss. I am glad to be seeing the rest of my family, but sincerely wish it were for a happier occasion ... and that my grandfather would be there as well. The sense of loss is still too strong and personal to write about. Perhaps there will be a time when it will help to remember all of the wonderful and happy memories, but I can't do that yet.

Instead, I shall think and write about the flight. I was offered an upgrade to first class for 200 NIS ($50) and I JUMPED on it. Best decision ever. But I must backtrack to the start of the journey: 4:15am. After staying up past 11pm to finish packing and bring things over to Simcha and Tami's house (they are being AMAZINGLY kind and holding onto my two suitcases and bringing them to Jerusalem for me next week. This means that I have one night on campus with no sheets ... but I can survive that. Maybe I'll steal a blanket from the flight ...). I get up with the rest of camp to go to the dig site, but I jump in the car with Cline and Assaf who give me a ride to the train station. I get there at 5:15 and buy the train ticket to Ben-Gurian Airport which leaves at 6am (every other train from Nahariyya goes to the airport, other mean you need to transfer trains in Tel Aviv = BAD). After some confusion at the train station, I get on the CORRECT platform and board the train and take my seat. I dozed through much of the ride (which is a beautiful journey down the Med coast) and arrived at the airport. It was hard to find where I needed to go for Departures ... but I finally figured it out and made my way up to the 3rd level and got in line for security. Israeli security is INTENSE. It is much harder to get OUT of the country than it was to get in. You go through 5 check points. These check points are not "Hey, do you have your passport and boarding pass?" NO. They are full scans and xrays with LOTS of questioning. "What were you doing in Israel? Where were you staying? Do you know people who are here? What are their names? Where do they live? Are you a member of a congregation in the United States? What is the purpose of your travel today?" The xray machines for your bags make the ones in the US look like a JOKE. The images are sent to ANOTHER check point, where they go through each and every one of your bags, mainly looking for shoes and electronics. Now, I've been on a dig in an AVOCADO GROVE for three weeks which means that my backpack and shoes and some of my clothes are COVERED in fertilizer residue. Plus, I'm 23, which means that I horde electronic devices and the power cords that go with them. So ... I booked my flight yesterday, I'm traveling alone, I'm not checking a bag, I have a lot of electronics and cables, and I'm covered in fertilizer residue. You see where this is going, don't you? After turning on and fiddling with each and EVERY one of my electronic devices (laptop, ipod, israeli cell phone, us cell phone, Storm, chargers, adapters, cables -- the Storm was the most amusing to me ... they had never seen one before so an electronics specialist had to come over and play with it. He had never used one before so I had to show him how it worked, and he liked it and asked me questions about it that I SWEAR were personal interest, not security threat assessment) I was cleared by the second checkpoint and went on to check in. So I got to go to a special line with a carpet and checked in, got my pass to the first class lounge, and went on my merry way. I then went on to Passport Control and Security (I THOUGHT that was what I had just gone through for 45 minutes with the scanning and the electronics ... but apparently not). I go through passport control with no real trouble and get to security. APPARENTLY my friends at checkpoint 2 had marked my passport for additional scrutiny (DAMN YOU, AVOCADO GROVE!) So I get to go to a special line and get SUPER SCREENED. Again, they took out each and every one of my electronic appliances and screened them for residues. Scratches on them were questioned. When the man asked me if I was Jewish (um, I'm wearing a Magen David and a Hamsa with Chai on it ...) he got this funny look on his face and went to talk to his supervisor. Still have no idea what that was about because he came back and said I was ok to go after opening and closing EVERYTHING. Again.FINALLY I am through security and at the concourse.

Let me tell you about first class:

At the lounge they serve free meals, snacks, beer and soda. There is a full bar there. The chairs are plush and comfortable and they all have power cords. They will personally tell you when you need to go to your gate. You get to board the plane first and there are no grouchy flight attendants. You get free alcohol (but since I'm on a plane for TWELVE HOURS before my connection to J'ville I opted for water and soda) before and during your flight. You get a MENU to choose your inflight meal. I got the NY Strip Steak with mashed potatoes, asparagus and carrots. There is an appetizer course, and a salad course before your meal. You get a hot moist towel before the flight. You get a hot desert (apple cobbler with ice cream and all the toppings!) served to you on REAL plates and bowls. You chairs fully recline and have a foot rest. They have two chairs in the space that Coach has 3 so the seat are roomy with no fighting over arm rests (because everyone has two!). Best flying experience EVER. I am going to go back to reading by my personalized lamp! Ahhh, the good life :) Feels good after roughing it for three weeks ....\

Kabri Humor

A man dies and descends into hell. When he gets there he is met by Satan and told he has a choice of three ways to spend all eternity. "Well, I'd like to see them, if you don't mind." "But of course," says the Devil. He takes the man to the first room which is hotter than the hottest place on earth and all the men there are wearing giant, thick fur coats and sweating buckets. "Hmm, well, this is all very nice but I don't think I'd like to spend all eternity here. Can I see the next option?" So the Devil takes the man to the next room where it is FREEZING cold and everyone there is stark naked and shivering. "Well, I think this is better than the first room, but I don't think I'd like to stay here either. What is the third option?" So the Devil takes the man to the third room where everyone is standing waste deep in crap drinking cups of tea and chatting. "Well, this doesn't look very pleasant, but at least they are standing and seem to be social and friendly, I think that I'll stay here." "Are you sure?" said the Devil. "Yes, I'm sure. This is where I will stay." So the man gets checked in and joins everyone else and introduces himself and takes a cup of tea. 10 minutes later a lesser demon comes in a back room and says "Alright, break's over. Back on your heads."

We work with hoes and pickaxes all day. I am an EXPERT at "hoe" jokes. And at "The sound of the pick ... " haikus. There are also many, MANY jokes that are very funny but not fit for public consumption (archaeologists aren't noted for their PC sense of humor ... email or facebook me if you want the full collection)

I was purchased for 20 shekels. Or, why cab drivers are insane.

Ok, this place is amazing. I am DEFINTELY going to walk everywhere as the cab drivers are INSANE (Cristen and I decided that it was a good idea to take a cab back to the hotel from the Old City last night as it was almost midnight ... it would have been safer to walk).

Let me backtrack, so yesterday at the dig was nuts. Several people had gone out the night before and came back to the kibbutz at 3:30am, drunk as skunks, and crashed. They woke up JUST in time to throw their stuff together and run to the bus. One of the girls FORGOT A SHOE so the dig director had to drive her back to get it. They were all still a little drunk from the night before (that didn't last long ... hard work and a good sweat is an excellent cure) but for the first hour or so they were VERY giggly (not a good thing when you are wielding a pickaxe). We took out the tabun (sorry, Irving), and are now steaming down to try to find the wall (and HOPEFULLY some floor). I DOUBT that we will be able to go down that far in 3 days (that's right, only three more days of digging! Then it's cleaning up time!). Time really flies when you're wielding a pick axe and the day was over before we knew it. We had lunch and ran back to shower and change and pack for Jerusalem.

Somehow I was put in charge of calling for cabs (we needed two as there were 5 of us). The first person we called took over an hour and a half to come (BAD as they are in Nahariyya, which is 10 minutes away MAX) so we called another cab company from Haifa. Of course, both cabs arrive at the same time. Two cabs came from Haifa and one sherut came from Nahariya. Kait, Cristen and I get in the sherut and Mark and Allison get in one of the cabs. We make it to the gate of the kibbutz when the two cabs block the sherut in so that he can't drive out of the kibbutz and the cab drivers commence SCREAMING at each other. I couldn't understand MOST of what was going on, but the sherut driver was an Arab and the cab drivers were Jewish Israeli, which added some interesting ... color ... to the argument. When the sherut driver attempted to lock the door of the sherut so that we couldn't get out because he sensed that the Israeli cab driver (who spoke English) was starting to win out I had had about enough. I told Cristen and Kait to get ready to run and I gave the man 10 shekels and told him in a tone that could be understood universally to open the door of the sherut and let us out. The cab driver also gave the man 20 shekels and he went on his very unhappy way. In the end, it was a good move because the cab driver spoke excellent English, gave us lots of advice on how to get to Jerusalem and how to get around when there, told us funny (and not so nice) stories about sherut drivers, and introduced us by phone to his daughter who is about to start school in New York.

We pick up the rental car and I am named navigator. I get us through/around Haifa and down the coast to the BRAND NEW toll road that cuts an hour off your trip if you drove down to Tel Aviv. We cut through the center of Israel and SOMEHOW manage to navigate through the streets of Jerusalem (props to Mark for not hitting anyone or anything). Lesson about driving in Jerusalem: it involves much yelling and hand gestures. If you don't yell and wave your hands you're doing something wrong. We make it to our hotel and part ways with Mark, Allison, and Kait and check in. The room is BEAUTIFUL with a WONDERFUL shower and comfortable bed with soft, fluffy pillows. We change and head down the Jaffa Gate to meet up with Kait and Allison. We walk through the security check points and enter the Old City. It is AMAZING. There is literally no other way to describe it other than absolutely WONDERFUL. We don't get a lot of pictures (though Cristen sure tried) because it's dark out so we just wander up and down streets and alleys until we find our way to the Jewish quarter and this little kosher pizza place. Ok, the pizza was gross, but the view was stunning. We people watched and were adopted by this little kitten (who, I'll be honest, I REALLY wanted to adopt). We then realized that it was almost midnight, we had been up since 4am, and were exhausted so we wandered back out and Cristen and I hailed a cab.

It was the scariest experience EVER. This cab driver spoke NO english, didn't know where our hotel was, and didn't believe me when I told him it was on Sderut Salomon. He called a friend who gave him the address and we made it there, but it was a TERRIFYING ride. I would imagine that Disney got the idea for Mr. Toad's Wild Ride from an experience in a cab in Jerusalem. Cristen and I were just holding hands PRAYING that we would make it there in one piece ... and THANKFULLY, we did.

Cristen and Kait were going to attempt to do every site POSSIBLE on Friday ... and I have over a year here to explore and enjoy everything, so I decided that I was going to do my own thing and get used to getting around in my new city. BEST decision EVER. I wandered around the area near the hotel (Ben-Yahuda, Hillel, and Yaffo streets) and found several GREAT coffee shops and shops. I bargained Middle Eastern style at a Jewelery store (and made friends with the owner, who invited me home with him and his family for Shabbat. I have his card). I got two GREAT necklaces and some really cool ideas for gifts for people back home. I then realized that I was in DIRE need of new shoes. The two that I brought keep falling off my feet and don't give a lot of support/cushion and there is a LOT of walking around here, so I went to Khalifa Shoes and bought Teva's. Basically, the most comfortable shoes EVER. I then realized that I hadn't had breakfast or caffein yet and was really feeling that ... and I kept seeing people walk by with the AMAZING looking iced mocha thingys ... so I found the store where they were sold at and got in line. I realized that the two women in line in front of me who were slightly older than myself were speaking English with American accents so I asked them where they are from. Turns out, they are ex-pats from New York, who live on Mount Scopus. While we were waiting for our coffee, they told me about themselves and I told them that I'm from DC and here for a dig and school. They then gave me their phone numbers and told me to call them when I get to school and that I am welcome for Shabbat any week.

I continued my journey down Yaffo street and wandered BACK into the Old City and proceeded to get COMPLETELY lost while looking for the Western Wall. I ended up wandering through several bazaars and started walking down a street ... when a flood of men started walking UP it. I was stopped by a Arab man about my age telling me "it's closed! It's closed!" APPARENTLY I had walked I had walked PAST the street I needed to get to the Wall and had ended up at the entrance to the Temple Mount (and the two mosques on it ...). It's FRIDAY so I'm DEFINITELY not supposed to be there. The Arab guy asked me what I was looking for and I told him I was looking for the Western Wall. He offered to take me there and proceeded to go walk ahead of me talking away, pointing out several sites. He informed me that he didn't want money, he wanted to be my boyfriend! I told him, thanks, but no thanks. "But why?" "Um, I already have a very nice boyfriend." "Ah, well you can have more than one!" At this point, I'm more than a LITTLE uncomfortable. We finally reach the stairs leading down to the Wall and I tell him good day. He proceeds to follow me telling me that he wants my number, he wants to know where I'm staying, he tells me he loves me ... FINALLY I reach the security check point to get to the wall and throw my bag into the scanner and walk through the metal detector. I'm FREE and at the Western Wall.

It was amazing. I didn't want to take pictures because it just didn't feel right. I spent a long time there thinking and praying. I wrote the most important thing to me down on a slip of paper and inserted it into a crevice in the wall. It was, without a doubt, the most spiritually moving experience in my life.

I walked out, down the hill and walked around top of the Ophel Archaeological Park (aka the City of David ... OOOOOOOOLD Jerusalem). It was so amazing. I definitely want to go back there, but with an organized tour -- it's not such a great place to go on your own. I decided that I would brave a Jerusalem taxi cab again (as I was now at the bottom of the city and would have a loooooooooooooooooooooong walk back up and around to the hotel) and had a driver who KNEW the Harmony Hotel and told me the price would be 40 NIS (which is 10 NIS LESS than the metered trip the night before, SCORE). So here I am, back in the hotel with a KILLER loaf of Challah, water, a bottle of Israeli and wine. Life is good.

The Tale of Irving the Iron Age Man

So, Irving lived during the Iron Age and was homeless and put all his worldly possessions in this great tabune (basically a stove) that he had made and set off to wander the western Galilee. He's just kinda walking around when he hears this rumor that there's an old Bronze Age palace in ruins near by and he figures he can set up camp there for a while. So he wanders over and finds these great old stone walls, many of which have fallen over, and set down his tabune and all his stuff on top of some of the rocks, but sheltered by the remnants of a wall. He's just chilling there when the wall supposedly providing shelter falls down, crushing his tabune and all his other clay pottery possessions in it. Bummer. So Irving the Iron Age Man moves on, leaving his precious tabune crushed between two layers of rock and debris.

3300 years later, Sarah Hoptman is excavating at Tel Kabri trying to pick axe her way down to the bronze age wall she should be above (or to China, unclear what the end goal really is) when she finds this MASSIVE amount of pottery. They stop pick axing and start to articulate it and realize that it is an iron age tabune ... at a bronze age site.

Ok, CLEARLY Irving and his sad tale are made up, but what the bloody hell is an iron age tabune with POTTERY (not normal stove stuff like, um, ashes???) doing in the middle of debris of a BRONZE AGE structure? Without ANY other iron age settlement??? And who sets up an INDOOR STOVE outside ANYWAY? A squatter, that's who! Hence the story of Irving.

In the battle of Creme Brulee ... Israel 1, World 0

So now that I'm feeling better the appetite has returned somewhat and I am once again able to enjoy the varied pleasure of the Israeli cuisine. Dinner at the kibbutz dining hall is NOT counted among these pleasures and after a VERY disappointing dinner last night that left many people back sick from the dig Cristen, Kait, Laura and I decided that we would venture to Nahariyya to try Spaghettim, a local restaurant specializing in ... spaghetti. It was AMAZING. They also had DESSERT which we haven't had since we got here (sorry, people. Fruit is GOOD but it does not dessert make). I had the creme brulee simply because 1. it is my favorite dessert EVER and 2. it looked NOTHING like any creme brulee I had seen before (including France). It was in a parfait like cup and had bits of what seemed to be brownie in between the layers of custard. They flambéed the top (which is what qualified it for it's name). There is nothing to describe it OTHER than amazing. I HOPE that this place is not a chain because otherwise I will be in SERIOUS trouble. At ANY rate, the whole meal (drinks, appetizer, pasta, dessert) cost roughly $28.

We then hopped a cab back to the kibbutz (with 4 people, it was MUCH cheaper and easier than a Sherut) and I met up with Tami and Simcha, friends of my dad's best friend. They are AMAZINGLY nice people who have invited me back next week for dinner! ALSO (and this is WONDERFUL): they are going to help me with the move to HU!!!! I can leave one of my bags here with them and they will bring it back to me at HU on August 6. This means that I just need to repack a little bit ... but that is fine with me! I can DEFINITELY handle a backpack, suitcase, and purse (umm, I lugged that much around the UK. I can HANDLE a cab ride to the train station and then a cab ride to the hotel. I'm going to stay at the hotel across from campus and then just move my stuff over to campus on the 3rd when I check in. I feel SO much better about that whole process now!

Well, it's off to bed for me so that I can actually FUNCTION at the dig tomorrow ... followed by the trip to JERUSALEM!!!!! SOOOO excited!